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You know, I think its ridiculous that people get so caught up trying to figure out why God would let evil things happen to the world. See, I’m ok with there being evil in the world, really, I am. The existence of evil doesn’t totally rock my world out of orbit and debunk every aspect of my faith. It simply says, “yo- there’s something about God that you don’t understand. Why don’t you try to get to know him a little better, and maybe your soul will find some rest in this turmoil that we call life.” However, there is something about God that really drives me crazy. It’s not that hurricanes and earthquakes and famines and genocides happen.

It’s time.

It is that God puts an unquenchable soul into a beautiful world with just a few years of precious existence. I think about all the songs there are to write and listen to, all the books to read, all the bridges to build and planets to discover, orphans to adopt and all the hungry to feed. All the mountains to climb, all the best spots to look at the stars, all the fish to catch and all the storms to watch and all the laughs to hear. I think of Egypt and Greece, and the Amazon and the Serengeti. And then I think, “all that in just 55 more years? Impossible.” So what- do I write a bucket list or something?? As if that would even put a dent into the longing. And then I think about school. All these things in the world to do and accomplish, and I’m sitting here in a dorm room reading and studying what my society says is good and necessary to be a better person (or asset). You have to be kidding me. Let time be DAMNED. I cannot wait for that liberating moment.

Until then, better is one day in Your courts, Lord, than a gazillion elsewhere.

Some Thoughts On Love:

I have found that, with love, its not entirely about loving the perfect woman, but the woman who is willing to accept and cherish an imperfect man. Knowing that someone knows all my flaws and imperfections, but loves me nonetheless means so much more. I guess that’s why honesty is such a beautiful and valuable thing in a relationship, because how can a dear one love you despite your imperfections if she doesn’t know your imperfections? It’s why friendship is the most fundamental and foundational ingredient in any relationship. Only a true friend knows your weaknesses and vices and loves you for them. Friendship is the base, the stock, the pillars. Everything else- the eros, the desire, the selflessness, the adoration, the romance- simply provide the aesthetic features. However, when all of these loves- the pillars and foundations along with the sensational aesthetic features- fall into their proper places at their proper times you have the construction of both a strong and beautiful castle, a “shining barrier” that can only ever be improved. This, my friends, is true love. Don’t ever tell me it doesn’t exist; I’ve seen two people share it, and I want it. But don’t misunderstand. Finding true love is not about finding perfection in someone. It’s about finding grace. It was being loved despite my vices that made me want to improve them. Love a vice in someone, and it will disappear. It’s easy to love someone who is perfect, but true love loves unconditionally. Lord, let my love go free, unconditionally.

“I met a man who’s looking for perfection
Said he’d never met a girl who’s good enough
His eyes are getting old like they’d love to love again
Such a lonely man
Such a lonely man”

-Casimer

One Thing Forever:

BECAUSE YOUR STEADFAST LOVE IS BETTER THAN LIFE, MY LIPS WILL EVER PRAISE YOU.

My love will die. My friends will die. My parents will die. My money will die. My home will die. My songs will die. My books will die. My memories will die. My grades will die. My sisters will die. My guitars will die. My bikes will die. My truck will die. My clothes will die. My lakes will die. My beaches will die. My job will die. Its ALL gonna die.

But because your steadfast Love is greater than life, my lips will ever praise you.

-Casimer

SO GOOD:

“If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream–and not make dreams your master,
If you can think–and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings–nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And–which is more–you’ll be a Man, my son!”

–Rudyard Kipling

At Rest, But Thirsty Is My Soul.

I’m alone in the night gazing at the sky as a thick cloud, which somewhat resembles a wadded up feather comforter, adorns the sky while flashes of brilliantly colored lightning occasionally burst out of it, illuminating the scene. The storm is too distant for the thunder to be heard, but a pounding takes place, nonetheless, within my soul.

I’m alone in the sand, and my ears are lullabied by the constant crashing of waves into the beach. The sound of a swell nearing the sand, amplifying as it approaches until, finally, the wave crashes with the continent. Silence. And then it begins again. Black is the sea. White is the rippling moon upon it. Soft is the sand beneath my body. At rest, but thirsty is my soul.

I’m alone on a swing: back and forth, up and down. I gaze afar where a green appalachian meets the bluest of skies. An endless array of untamed white fluffy forms pass by overhead. My mind wonders, here and there. I let it go where it pleases. But it returns, without fail, to one unavoidable, yet restful thought.

I’m alone, underwater, gazing upward at the undulating sky through my neon green mask. Up goes a bubble. Another one, and another one. Big ones, small ones. My body is weightless, and my heart. A fish pecks at my toe. The grass rubs against my back. The colors abound. Timelessness.

I’m alone in a forest, following a meandering mountain stream. Water trickles down, dancing among the rocks while its partner, light, matches every step. The trees creak and sway, the leaves flutter, a breeze glides through: A Dance like no other.

-Casimer

A Work In Progress:

One thing that absolutely sends my mind and heart into a flurry of thoughts and feelings is the subtle, hidden beauty of the world around us. We rarely look upon something and instantly recognize its innate beauty. We simply dismiss it as another everyday object that has no aesthetic value. What a lie! What an act of our fallen human nature, to suppress the beauty in the things around us! “All those things can’t be beautiful,” we subconsciously tell ourselves. “They just exist. They’re not ugly and they’re not beautiful.” We HAVE to tell ourselves that in order to have everything figured out, in order to destroy all possibility of the existence of any aesthetic mystery in the world. If all these things are beautiful, if beauty even exists, then there is something in this world that we do not understand. However, that is something we just can’t accept. Sadly, our post-enlightenment rationalism has tamed us into thinking that anything inexplicable by the methods of scientific reasoning doesn’t exist. Oh naivete! If only it were that simple, to separate everything around us into black or white. If its gray, it doesn’t exist. Therefore beauty, according to the post-enlightenment rationalist simply doesn’t exist because we cannot explain it by reason alone. Questions such as these will forever go unanswered: What makes something beautiful and why do certain things jab life into our very souls? Use the faculty of your reason to answer that!

For a brief moment, let’s change up a couple of our presuppositions. Instead of automatically presupposing that beauty doesn’t exist, lets say that it does. And instead of presuming that all truth can be acquired via scientific reasoning, lets assume that there might be a little more to life than what meets the eye of our cute little intellects. As Pascal stated, “The supreme function of reason is to show man that some things are beyond reason.” And to further help you adopt these presuppositions, I’m gonna give you a brief quote by one of my favorite people ever: Bono.

“So there I’d be, standing on Dollymount Strand, staring at the sea, watching the waves, looking at a storm on the horizon, and wondering who chose the color of the sky? Who makes the earth turn at this speed? Who invented gravity and who invented girls’ laughter? Is it all cold science? Cosmic accident or creation? Is it love or survival of the fittest?”

Consider this for a moment. Now that you have, for my sake, accepted that beauty may exist, think of the most beautiful thing you have ever witnessed. What is your Dollymount Strand? Got it? It may take you a bit longer than you think, so take your time…. Ok, now that you have this aesthetic experience in your memory, explain it. Tell me exactly how you felt and why you felt that way. Good luck…..

To be continued.

-Casimer

Filling Shoes.

When will you know?

When will you see?

When will I grow?

When will I be

who you want me to be? 

Who you need me to be?

Who I’m supposed to be?

When will I know who I’m supposed to be?

When will you see who I’m trying to be, who I’m able to be?

What will I say that will open your eyes?

What will I do?

What must I say to open your eyes?

What must I do?

I’m here. I’ve been here. For a long time, I’ve been here.

 

 

grow me. love me. break me. shape me. move me. win me. hold me. show me.

 

Make me who I’m meant to be. Sharpen my sword that I may fight for thee.

Secure my path that I may lead for thee. Break my heart that I may love for thee.

Open my ears that I may sing for thee. Sing for thee. Sing for thee!

Bless my work that I may give for thee. Kill me that I may LIVE for thee.

Make me who I’m meant to be. Who I’m MEANT to be.

Make me who I’m meant to be!

 

-Casimer

Petty Path Predictors

So this morning I experienced a very very terrible feeling. Its the feeling of dread and hopelessness about the goodness of my upcoming day that can only be truly felt when I realize that I have poured my hot coffee and added the perfect amount of sugar only to discover that the cream is  nowhere to be found. Its kinda like that feeling you get when you’ve got your taste buds set on a certain treat, just to have that treat ripped out from under your nose right as your about to indulge in that fist bite. It truly was a dishearteningly frustrating moment that I feared was only a foreshadow of the way today’s events would unfold. But things quickly looked up. Out of nowhere, there came hope; Out of nowhere, I found the cream.

All of a sudden, life really wasn’t so bad.

Its amazing how we let such petty things decide the state of our happiness, or whether its gonna be a good day or a bad day.

No, its a shame.

Cheer up, World. And have a great day!

 

-Casimer

May The Fool Become Wise; The Sinner, A Saint.

Wow. So I must say that lately I have been experiencing a whole array of mixed feelings and thoughts. Weighed down by my own insecurity, and confused by these conflicting feelings, I feel like I have been living about thirteen different lives. I can only imagine what kind of frustration this must be causing my friends and family and all those who truly care about me- those who are trying to read me, and understand me and love me. In the last few weeks, I have acted upon a silly whim, and in doing so, have neglected a true love and feeling that has been a significant part of my life for years now. I have lashed out on a close friend who has a young and gentle heart. I have not spent enough time with my family, as I get ready to move a trillion miles away for a significant amount of time. I have mistaken shallow friends for the true and deep ones. And I have mistaken true and deep friends for the shallow ones. Dirty and left out is how I feel. Undeserving and fake. If they really knew me, if they saw the nastiness that I hide from them everyday. The rust, mold and decay that is beneath the surface. Who knows? Who knows how they would respond? Who knows? If you want to know about the real me, ask. And oh, I will tell you… your stomach will turn. You thought you knew me!

 

Wash away all my iniquity. Cleanse me from my sin. Trust me, I know my failures and my lies. I don’t deny them and suppress them. They follow me. They haunt me. Together, lets throw them onto the table, lets scrub them clean. I want nothing to do with them anymore. Someone get the iodine, get the alcohol, get the fire. Lets purge this infection, so that I may be done with it once and for all. I will eat this bread and I will drink this cup. Yes, I will drink this cup. I will taste and see that God is good. Taste and see his unconditional, refining and purifying love for sinners and scoundrels. 

 

-Casimer

The Things I Would Do:

I would throw away all my money.

I would walk on hot coals.

I would brave class five rapids. Alone.

I would swim with Great Whites.

I would fight a hungry Grizzly Bear.

I would never read again.

I would abandon music.

I would vote for Obama.

I would leave my home.

I would eat whole wheat products for the rest of my life.

I would cancel college.

I would stand before a gun.

I would sleep in the snow.

I would move to the desert.

I would ride a wild bull….

 

Heck,

“I would ride through worse than that, if…”

 

 

 

If I…

If only I could…

“If I could just hea…”

Ahh… Forget about it.

 

-Casimer